Heraldic Banners of the University of the South (Sewanee)

The Arms of the University of the South displayed as a banner.

I am truly fascinated with flying heraldry.  In particular, I have long wanted to see what the arms of The University of the South would look like rendered as a banner or flag.  After trying to unlock the secrets of the Sewanee Tressure, I was impressed by just how grand and regal these arms appear from a pole.  I drew these with pencil and opted not to color them in as my colored pencils wouldn't do justice to these arms.  

The arms of the undergraduate college at the University of the South displayed as a banner.

I really like the undergraduate college's arms, which are blazoned, Azure (blue) three celestial crowns or (gold) within a Sewanee tressure of the second.  

The arms of The School of Theology at The University of the South displayed as a banner.

Most impressive of all three, in my opinion, are the arms of the School of Theology when appropriated for a flag.

Now, imagine these banners in full color inside All Saints' Chapel.  This is the pomp and circumstance that I believe Sewanee should have.  If only these beautiful arms would be used and appreciated more.

Folger Shakespeare Exhibit

Recent line drawing of the arms of Hampden-Sydney College
 displayed as a flag 

Earlier this week, I was able to stop by the Folger Shakespeare Library on Capitol Hill in Washington, DC for their exhibit, "Symbols of Honor: Heraldry and Family History in Shakespeare's England," which is closing on 26 October.  The very first item encountered when you walk into the gallery is the honorary devisal of arms from the College of Arms, London to the President and Trustees of Hampden-Sydney College.  While I had seen this impressive work of art before in the College Museum, I was now able to see it with a better sense of knowledge.

I was also able to get the Latin blazon from the document.  The blazon was written in Latin especially for this document, I suppose as a way to reflect the College's commitment to the Classics.

The blazon reads: "In scuto oblique dextrorsus et sinistrorsus secto argenteo et aureo, una crux Sancti Andreae rubea inter in capite et ui uno aquilas expansas et in lateribus ferra jaculi caerulia duo, et in medio liber apertus in colore nativo, et inscriptus litteris nigris Greek inscription ("Ye Shall Know the Truth") et tegmine nigro consutus...

I am unable to get the Greek font to work on my blog, so I substituted in the English translation.  I would recommend the exhibit, it was lovely and I had never been in the Folger before which was a pleasant surprise.    

NEHGS Committee on Heraldry

Arms of the NEHGS Committee on Heraldry

While the US does not have any arms granting authorities, there is, however, the oldest non-governmental heraldry organization known as the Committee on Heraldry which functions within the New England Historical and Genealogical Society (NEHGS) which is headquartered in Boston, MA.  The committee has recently launched a new website which announce's its charge:

The Committee on Heraldry was established in 1864, within the New England Historic Genealogical Society, to “collect and preserve information in regard to heraldry.” Dating back to the twelfth century, heraldry is the art of representing individuals and families with particular symbols and colors arranged on and around a shield (a “coat of arms”) or other conventional shape. Because heraldry has been used for centuries to identify individuals and families, it can be vitally important for genealogical research. Yet beyond their genealogical value, heraldic arts from every era are well worthy of study and appreciation. Heraldry can be found abundantly on gravestones, seals, portraits, embroideries, and countless monuments and buildings, in every European country and in every land colonized by Europeans, including the United States. Since 1864 the Committee on Heraldry has been collecting information on American colonists and modern Americans with coats of arms, as well as on the use of heraldry and heraldic artifacts in the United States and her colonial predecessors. This website provides information on the Committee and its projects, an index to the Roll of Arms of colonists or early immigrants with proved hereditary arms, and information and forms for registering or recording coats of arms with the Committee.

My arms were officially enrolled with the Committee on 2 September 2014.  I am quite excited to have my arms registered here.

A Seal for Saint Joe

 Proposed Arms and Seal for the Alumni Association 
of Saint Joseph Central Catholic High School

Huntington, WV

While it seems like ages ago, I remember well my student days at St. Joe.  I was fortunate to be a student during my junior and senior years as a result of a large county-wide public school consolidation.  I went from being in a class of 200 or so to roughly 40.  Yes, my graduating class numbered 40 something.  It was at St. Joe that I was actually challenged by my teachers to think and to write--novel ideas I assure you for high school.  I was selected to read the prayers over the school's PA system every day--from The Book of Common Prayer no doubt!  I loved my time there.  

Through the connectivity of Facebook, I learned that St. Joe is forming an alumni association.  Immediately I thought of what I could contribute being so distant from the school and then an idea started to emerge.  The school employs a rather bad bucket logo for their arms.  It's clearly more of a 1950's notion of high school logos than heraldry per se.  However, in 2024, the school will officially celebrate 100 years of Roman Catholic Education on their existing site in Huntington, WV.  It's time to have a brand that represents the timeless qualities of the educational experience so many students enjoy within those hallowed halls.

Saint Joseph has attributed arms that include the lily and a carpenter's square.  The carpenter's square is rendered as a chevron in heraldry.  I wanted to keep that same imagery but difference it for the alumni association.  The school's current logo was of no use.  I also wanted to incorporate the use of an open book, something that is synonymous with academic arms.  Since the school's mascot is the "Fightin' Irish," I opted to drop the lilies and use trefoils which can mimic the shamrock depending on how their drawn.  In chief, I used the open book with three clasps bearing the inscription, "In Principio Erat Verbum," of "In the Beginning was the Word" (John 1:1).  I surrounded the arms with the classical seal used by many Roman Catholic institutions and added the school's name.  The font, Lombardic, is in my opinion the classic seal font and I'm getting better with writing in it.

Proposed arms rendered as a flag.

The school's colors are navy and gold.  Since navy is not a tincture in heraldry it cannot be used on the shield.  These colors are referred to as the livery colors. 

Should the school wish to adopt the seal and arms, my suggestion would be to drop "alumni" from the bottom and add the founding date of 1924.   

The shield's blazon is:  Or, a chevron azure between three trefoils of the second, on a chief azure an open book of three clasps or thereupon "In Principio Erat Verbum."  

   

New Arms

Private Commission, Copyright 2014.

I recently completed a new achievement of arms for a close friend of mine.  While I'm only displaying his crest, the full blazon reads:

Arms:  Gules, on a pale azure fimbriated argent three escallops of the third enfiled with as many vidame coronets or;

Crest:  On a wreath of argent and gules, a lamb rampant gorged of a vidame's coronet or holding in dexter arm a market stick proper erect with crook facing sinister and on sinister arm an eschuteon of the first thereupon a Chi Rho of the second;

Motto:  "From Strength to Strength."

The new armiger is a devout Christian who adores the image of Christ the Good Shepherd, which really helped me design a crest befitting great meaning for him.  The market stick is a lovely example of how a shepherd's tool (and also a great walking stick for support) can be incorporated along with the Shield of Constantine.  I think the crest creates a compelling image of a pilgrim preparing for battle with instruments of love and compassion.

The vidame's coronet creates a nice symbol for lay Christians.  

The Arms of the College of William & Mary

The Arms of the College of William & Mary

Williamsburg, Virginia 

One can hardly discuss scholastic heraldry in the US or even the Commonwealth of Virginia without mentioning the arms of the state's oldest institution of higher learning, the College of William & Mary located in Williamsburg.  Granted by the College of Arms in London on May 14, 1694, the arms are blazoned:  "Vert, a colledge or edifice mason'd argent; in chief a sun rising or the hemisphere proper, as in the margent hereof is more plainly depicted."  (Donald M. Sweig, "Vert a Colledge...:A Study of the Coat-of-Arms and Seals of the College of William and Mary in Virginia," The Virginia Magazine of History and Biography, Vol. 84, No. 2, April 1976, page 143).  Jack E. Morpurgo gives the blazon as, "Vert, a colledge or edifice mason'd argent in chief a sun rising or" (Their Majesties' Royall Colledge,Washington, DC: Hennage Creative Printers, 1976, 36). 

I am somewhat conflicted about these arms.  I'm reminded of L.G. Pine's statement regarding good heraldry and the legitimacy of arms--just because they're legally granted does not mean that they're good arms.  With the opening of a new colony, new resources, new everything, I suppose the heralds were not inclined to change convention with regards to new charges. Is it a coincidence that the "colledge" looks a bit like Oxford?  The brilliance of the sun seems overshadowed by a depressed star.  In some way, I suppose the heralds saw the new world with the cracked lens of the old; heraldry was not going to take off in a new direction and create any new trends.  Not then, at least.

It is worth noting that the college changed their seal, dropping these arms, in favor of a republican-looking temple which has been recorded on an honorary degree granted March 6, 1790 (Sweig, 146).  Moreover, the seal of Virginia also changed in 1776.  Sweig recounts this poignant quotation from Lyon G. Tyler (1894):

"The Revolution was, in Virginia, a revolution not only in government, but in church, education, and sentiment generally.  Monarchy in every guise became odious.  The Roman Republic presented at that time the highest exemplars of virtues and heroism known to history...Heraldry, the history of pedigrees, fell into utter disrespect" (Sweig, 146).

Eventually, however, the arms granted by the Herald's College would resurface as the official arms used for the seal of the college.

Another grant of arms from London came a few months prior to the college's, those of Francis Nicholson (1655-1728) who would later serve as Governor of the Province of Virginia among other offices.  Nicholson was also a founder of the college.  His arms are blazoned: "Azure, on a cross argent between four suns or, a cathedral church gules" (Morpurgo, 36).  Below is a sketch of Nicholson's arms as found in The New England Historical and Genealogical Register, 1885, Vol XXXIX, page 73.

The Arms of Francis Nicholson (1655-1728)

Granted March 9, 1694

This should help give a sense of heraldry at the close of the Seventeenth Century.  All in all, I love history, especially Virginia history.  I am proud that this old Virginia institution is and has been such a force in the Commonwealth.  Whether or not I like their arms, of course, is irrelevant.

Commission for New Arms

Private commission, by the Author.  

Copyright 2014.

Arms:  Azure, semé of Masonic compasses erect Argent, a dexter hand couped erect of the second;

Crest:  On a wreath Argent and Azure, a Black Labrador head erased gorged of a collar Or clutching in its jaws a glove of the first;

Motto: "My Soul is Resilient."

A friend of mine asked if I would devise arms for him, and of course I jumped at the chance.  The design came to mind rather quickly, which surprised me.  These are classic canting arms as the hand is a pun on the armiger's surname.  The armiger is a Mason and I thought of a way to incorporate the compass from the Masonic symbol in a pattern, or seme.  I think they came out rather nicely!  The crest was also fun, as the armiger loves his Black Lab.  In the dog's mouth is a white glove, apparently another symbol found in Masonry.  The motto was a collaborative effort and accurately portrays the armiger's war cry.  He loves it and so do I.   

The Arms of Chad Michael Krouse

The arms of Chad Michael Krouse, copyright 2014.

Digital artwork by Steve Cowan, July 2014.

After months, and I mean months, of going back and forth over a design for arms, I finally have resolution. With the careful eye of Canadian heraldic artist, Steve Cowan, we designed the above escutcheon to impart something meaningful about me.  Steve was a treat to work with, and I highly recommend him.  The dogwood flowers, depicted as proper, represent the official flower of the Commonwealth of Virginia--my adopted state.  The Cross of Saint Chad is a pun on my name, as Saint Chad is also my patron saint.  The three bars, barry wavy, reflect my love of the water (especially fishing).  Fishing, my mid-life crisis hobby, was something I wanted to incorporate and had a few designs with fish hooks in saltire.

The Blazon

Arms:  Per chevron Gules and barry wavy Argent and Azure, 

in chief two dogwood flowers (cornus florida) proper and in base a cross of Saint Chad of the first; 

Crest:  On a wreath of Gules and Argent, a Cardinal's head (cardinalis cardinalis) erased clutching in its beak a Madonna lilly (lilium candidum) seeded proper;

Motto:  Ich Mache Recht.

My arms on a lozenge for my daughter.

Painted by Ceilidh Burdick, Ealeroi Studios, July 2014.

For some reason, it's always harder to create something for yourself as opposed to someone else.  Below is a colored pencil drawing of my complete achievement of arms.  I mistakenly opted for azure in the wreath and mantling.  It is blazoned, now, for gules (red).    

Achievement of arms, Chad Michael Krouse.

Colored pencil, by the author.  2014.

Since I had settled on the crest and motto long before the shield, I wanted to make certain that the final design worked in harmony with everything.  I believe this was achieved.  It is interesting to note that a lot of friends (Facebook) thought it looked off balance.  One even went so far as to suggest it looked like a crazy wrestling mask!  So it remains a fundamental truth that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  For prior thoughts on the motto and crest, click here.

Early drafts in colored pencil.

Here's an example of some of the earlier drafts which struggled to incorporate too much stuff.  The medieval canon of heraldry demands a noble simplicity for ease of identification--these miss the mark.  

First draft with shield divided "per chevron."

This next image represents the first time I divided the shield "per chevron" but still cluttered up the chief with three dogwoods.  Moreover, I made a poor attempt to place a charge upon a charge with no real distinction between the two.  This was when I started to see the fish hooks in saltire which do look sharp.  

Again, another bad attempt with the chief, but I rather liked the fish hooks in saltire.  It was a struggle to decide between the Cross of Saint Chad or the fish hooks.  The cross won!  

I'm glad that I went through this lengthy process of give and take.  It afforded me time to really flesh out what I wanted and how I wanted to be identified vis a vis coat armour.  I'm extremely happy with the final design and am ready to proudly display my arms.  

_____________________

Epilogue

It's now 2020, and looking back at this post has been touching, to say the least.  One critical thing to note, here, is that when the first emblazonment was completed, the wrong dogwood flower was used!  Yes, it's wrong!  The heraldic artist lives in Canada and had a Canadian version on his mind, which is completely understandable.  We made a quick update with the appropriate version for Virginia. 

  

Pierre de Chaignon la Rose and the Mystery of Saint Edward's Seminary

 

"Friends of St. Edward State Park"

Pencil, by the author.

As I was searching the web for resources on the heraldic work of Pierre de Chaignon la Rose (1872-1941), I came across a blog post from the Friends of Saint Edward State Park in Kenmore, Washington.  Once upon a time, there was a seminary founded by the Society of Saint Sulpice in the Archdiocese of Seattle. The seminary was dedicated to Saint Edward the Confessor and la Rose was enlisted to devise arms for the school.  Constructed around 1931, the 316-acre property was to house the seminary.  It closed in 1977. Now, the grounds have been turned into a state park and is supported by a group of local citizens.

Through some research, the group identified a drawing for arms executed by la Rose along with a letter, all of which are reportedly held in the archives of the archdiocese.

la Rose's draft shield for Saint Edward's Seminary
Source: Blog Posting of 31 Aug 2013

The blog posting from 31 August 2013 contains the following information from la Rose (the blog post has since been removed, and I'm glad I captured this data):

"Saint Edward himself has a very beautiful coat ascribed him by the medieval heralds-apocryphal, of course, as he lived before the rise of personal heraldry, but still, an actual emblem which he used on his coinage: a cross with five martlets.  This in conjunction with the Sulpician emblem, I shall make the basis of a carefully studied design.

The arms ascribed to Saint Edward by the early heralds consist of a gold cross and five gold 'martlets' on a blue field.  The shapes and arrangement are the same as in my own drawing.  We may not use this coat unaltered, for to do so would imply, heraldically, that St. Edward was the Founder of the Seminary, instead of being simply its Patron.  I have therefore changed the coloring from blue and gold to red and silver - the colors of the diocesan arms. As for St. Edward's cross and martlets, they appear, as I think I told you, on his coins.  The significance of the birds I do not know, nor does anyone else.  In heraldry they are always shown as having no feet visible. 

On the Sulpician 'inescutcheon' you will note the crescent (of the Immaculate Conception) which distinguishes the American house of the society from the French." 

From a letter of Pierre de Chaignon La Rose, 13 February, 1931

That is all that is known about the tinctures.  I wanted to see if I could recreate these arms and bring them to life for the benefit of the friends society.  I took license with the ineschutcheon, opting for azure to represent the Blessed Virgin Mary (which the Sulpician monogram represents) but left the charges all in argent.  I opted to shade this in as silver rather than leaving them stark white.  The banner surrounding the shield can be found in another of La Rose's work, the arms of Rice University.  Since I could not fit in the entire name, "The Friends of Saint Edward State Park," I again used artistic license to get the point across.  I selected the date of 2007, represented by Roman numerals (for the Roman Catholic nature of the place), because this is the date the property was added to the National Register of Historic Places.

All in all, I love a challenge and enjoyed this.  While I'll never know if what I drew was correct in la Rose's mind, it doesn't much matter.  

I have created the following blazon:  Gules, on a cross floury Argent an inescutcheon Azure charged with the Badge of the Society of Saint Sulpice in the United States between five martlets Argent. 

The Arms of The Rev. Alfred Hope Patten

The arms of The Rev. A. Hope Patten as found on his bookplate.

As I was scanning old files on my computer, I came across this photograph of a bookplate belonging to The Rev. Alfred Hope Patten (1885-1958), the English priest who was the man behind the restoration of the Anglican Shrine of Our Lady of Walsingham.  I honestly think I got this photograph from a book that was being auctioned off on eBay which explains the quality.  Note the use of two black tassels from the gallero.

Nulla Pallescere Culpa roughly translates to "To turn pale at no crime."

Click here to view my post of the heraldry at the Anglican Shrine of Our Lady of Walsingham.  To gain some more insight into Fr. Patten's arms, I've copied them in pencil and added the appropriate tinctures.

Copy of the arms of The Rev. Alfred Hope Patten, drawn by the author in pencil.

Heraldry and the like

Crest:  On a wreath a cardinal erased clutching in its beak a lilly seeded proper.
Assumed by the author, 1 June 2014.

Ever since my days as a student at Hampden-Sydney College, I have had a fascination with the subject of heraldry.  More specifically, I love the meaningful display of symbols which layers the history and stories of the person or corporation bearing those arms.  Hampden-Sydney received an honorary grant of arms from the College of Arms in London in 1976 as part of the college's bicentennial celebrations.  The heralds executed an attractive blazon which bears the symbols of both John Hampden and Algernon Sydney, for which the college is named.  Staring at these arms for four years made me curious to learn more about the arcane subject of heraldry.

I drew the crest above as part of my own assumption of arms.  Since there is no legal arms granting body in the US, any person who wishes to bear arms can and may do so--much like the medieval times.  I chose the cardinal as it represents the state of my birth (West Virginia) and my adopted home state (Virginia).  The cardinal, surprisingly, makes few appearances on coat amour and mainly in North America.  Personally, I find the cardinal to be quite noble.

Arms of the City of Fredericksburg, Virginia

Arms of Prince George County, Virginia

Arms of the Senate of Virginia

The lilly is a representation of my devotion to Our Lady of Walsingham and can be found in the grant of arms to the College of Guardians of the Holy House (Walsingham).

Arms of the Sanctuary School which features the shield referenced above.

The actual grant of arms to the College of Guardians by the College of Arms in London.

Detail of the Holy House which can be found in the canton azure.

Finally, the motto.  I had three criteria for this: 1) must be deeply meaningful, 2) must be original, and 3) must be in German.  Since I fancy "all things English," and knowing that my armorial bearings would reflect this, I wanted to ensure that Krouse-German heritage was honored.  "Ich Mache Recht," or simply "I make right," was the end result.  I could have an entire post on the deeply meaningful statement of how I make things right in my life.  I'll spare the reader.  I'm very happy with the design of the crest and its representation of me.  Now, if only I could come to some agreement on the blazon of the shield.  More to come.

Collect for the Society of Jesus Compassionate

Almighty and ever-living God, you sent your Son Jesus Christ to bring compassion to those who are far off, and to those who are near: Raise up the Society of Jesus Compassionate to share your compassion with those we meet on the journey; prosperous us with your blessing, and inspire us to open our hearts and minds by the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, that through our words and actions, your Holy Spirit may empower us to share your healing grace as Christ's presence in the world; through Jesus Christ our Lord, to whom with you and the Holy Spirit, be honor and glory, now and forever. AMEN.

We collaborated on designing this collect for use in the Daily Office.  I wanted to bring in the feel of the Collect for Mission found in The Book of Common Prayer, hence the "far off and near" bit.  I also shamelessly borrowed, "prosperous us with your blessing," from the collect of the Community of the Resurrection (CR).  As most know, collect writing follows a rather particular set of rules in order to design and structure the prayer.  I, for one, feel it will serve as a daily reminder of our vows and our common task. 

Additionally, we are hashing out the particulars for the Society's seal which one can see a draft above.  The idea was to deconstruct the shield of The Episcopal Church by implementing St. Andrew's cross with four crosslets to signify the four founders.  The Sacred Heart image is going to be tweaked a bit.

New Foundations: the Society of Jesus Compassionate

It was a long and storied road that brought together four men in Washington, DC for the Feast of St. Columba.  Following much discernment and prayer, these four professed vows during a simple eucharist in order to establish the Society of Jesus Compassionate (SJC).  Our rule is simple.  Our vows were simple.  We vowed to one another and to the Episcopal Church--to uphold the doctrine, discipline, and worship of her.  Nothing fussy, nothing overly romantic, simply four brothers promising to one another to be in community with Christ as the center.  We are one priest and three lay brothers.    

It was a long process for me to consider this new enterprise; I fully stand in support of those seeking to live the common life in Christ under vows.  Moreover, I appreciate the genuine love and intentionality of my new SJC brothers.  Our new habits will be unveiled when we gather for our winter retreat in Augusta, Georgia.  Already, we have received many prayers and supporters from within the Church. 

I ask your prayers for us as we journey together towards Emmaus.  We live in Atlanta, Baltimore, Richmond, and Washington, DC.  We are aware of the challenges posed by a dispersed community, but feel a deeper bond by our common experience in Christ.  What joy!  What an amazing journey.

Ode to the Hill: An Appreciation

Ode to the Hill: An Appreciation

There buried within the brown-red bricks lies stories of old,

Boys sojourning to the light with youthful bravado bold,

Ne’er to be forgotten with haste most go,

Nestling within their pencil’d minds whilst they sow.

Inside these storied halls rooted upon hallowed grounds,

Lies a simple truth that mystic time resounds,

That as boys grow to become men,

The plight whose soul revolves over and again.

Always shall the kiln'd clay stand to test,

What most young fear when pressed:

That knowledge boasts an eternal bliss,

Rightly favored by fortune’s sweetly kiss.

"This Too Shall Pass," but will it?

According to the scholarly source, Wikipedia, that oft quoted phrase, "this too shall pass," apparently comes from Persian Sufisim.  There is a poem by which a fabled king is humbled by these simple words.  Another Sufi version has this proverb inscribed on a ring which gives the wearer the ability to make the happy man sad and vice versa.  Interesting, I admit.  What power does this ancient phrase hold today?

I recently found myself giving this phrase to a co-worker during one of those brief coffee-pot conversations.  It appears fairly innocuous on the surface, like cocktail wisdom when one needs a quick word of re-assurance.  But again, I ask the question:  does this actually mean anything today?

"And this too shall pass."

When I consider the roller coaster that I have been riding non-stop for several years, it strikes me as almost callous and the power to yield an unintended effect of negativity.  I seriously doubt that most who employ this phrase have that intention; moreover, it is such an easy expression to use that its efficacy appears muddled at best.

"Yes, this too shall pass."

I am guilty of longing to achieve my goals at the expense of neglecting the journey to get there.  Sadly, I have missed out on so much in life with that narrow approach.  Wishing an experience to simply pass on, I believe, misses the point regardless if the event(s) are positive or negatively impacting the sojourner.  As I continue to live what I feel is a "tent-maker" sort of life, I am learning to accept that the here-and-now gives me time to inwardly digest the thing at hand.  Unfortunately, there has been more bad than good.  One can only be beaten down so much until lethargy creeps in.  I fight that fight daily.  Wishing things to pass is too easy, truly wishful thinking.  The more I accept and own, the less difficult the things at hand become.

"All good things must come to an end.  And the only certainty is death and taxes."

Perhaps.  Perhaps the life we are called to live is one being filled with the moments of the journey, rather than the rush to our destination.  I will always cringe when I hear fellow Christians say, "we live to go to heaven," and other such nonsense.  As if our lives spent here is some sort of waiting room for a better life ahead.  Bullocks!  If this were true, Christ's eventual triumphant return would be sooner rather than later.  Certainty can be fleeting, and perhaps that is what we really mean to say.
  

Dreaming of England's Green

"Sea Worn" by Chad Krouse, Acrylic on canvas, 30x40.  2012

Those who know me well are all too familiar with my long-standing love affair with England.  Why so?  It all began in childhood where I had too much time to dream, I suppose.  I distinctly recall watching Brit-Coms on PBS as early as age 11 or so.  "Are You Being Served?," and "As Time Goes By," fed my imaginings about this island gem.  The piece de resistance was of course her lady, Hyacinth Bucket on "Keeping Up Appearances."  All these shows taught me to say things like, "bloody hell," "git," and add words like should and rather following a personal pronoun.  Whilst soaking up the unholy British culture being brought through the public tele, I had other outside forces at work drawing me in further to my English dream.

Growing up in The Episcopal Church certainly helped.  Being the child of the Church of England, Episcopalians love to have "high tea," and such following liturgies.  I even attended college where the namesakes are two English revolutionaries--John Hampden and Algernon Sidney.  We spell Sidney with a "y" over here.

It was during my sophomore year at Hampden-Sydney College that I had the opportunity to travel to London for a week--all expenses paid!  I shall never forget standing near Big Ben on the Thames as fireworks erupted in the night sky on January 1, 2000.  That week was pure bliss for me.  Evensong at Westminster Abbey, Mass at Westminster Cathedral, and a day trip out to Windsor.  Of course I found my way to Jermyn Street and indulged in the food halls of Fortnum & Mason, and I also found the bargain basement at Turnbull & Asser.  The highlight was visiting my shoemaker, Cleverely's over on Old Bond Street.  They treated me like royalty, even though all I had to spend was my pay from being a resident advisor!  I hit the National Gallery, ate at Green's and The Goring Hotel--long before Kate Middleton made it swanky.  I had a box seat at Royal Albert Hall for the BBC Proms.  I had truly died and gone to heaven, a proper one at that.  

Six months later, I was back in London, albeit for three days.  I had the pleasure of another all-expenses paid trip to the Continent with a few days in London.  God did I hate Amsterdam and Belgium.  All I could think about was getting back to London, my city!  I even managed to get a few days in London after my honeymoon years later.

My graduate school, The University of the South, is wholly owned by The Episcopal Church.  It was founded to be the Oxford of the South.  And yes, there were many fog-filled days there on that mountain island where I dreamt that I was forging the moors on another island.  Perhaps the most in-depth English experience came in 2009 when I lived in Mirfield, West Yorkshire conducting an independent study while a seminarian.  I knew one goal for me while in graduate school was to go over to England for something, anything.  Thankfully my fundraising background proved useful and I spent seven weeks abroad.

Am I nuts?  Well, perhaps.  I love the USA and I'm a proud tax-payer.  However, my heart belongs to England and there on the Thames shall my ashes be scattered one day.  Amen to that.

Mirfield Update: The Monastic Church Gets a Redo

Finding Holes in Lent

It is folly to believe that Lent is simply a time to give things up.  One practice that I'm keen to perfect is that of taking something on during these forty days.  Recently, I was reminded of the old Ignatian, "Daily Awareness Examen."  It is quite simply a process of self-reflection and prayer aiming to fill the holes carved out in our daily lives.  The simplicity of the five steps (or rather questions) is not lost on the complication of the human predicament.  I especially like the idea of "co-opting" with the Divine through this technique given to us by St. Ignatius of Loyola.

Through this examen, I for one, see the holes in my life that I so desperately need God in Christ to come fill through the power of the Holy Spirit.  Take it on, try it out, and live with this during Lent.  I invite your thoughts or suggestions for other models of self-reflective prayer.

From the Imago Dei Community's website:

AWARENESS EXAMEN
This short prayer exercise is to help increase your sensitivity to the Spirit working in your life and to provide you with the awareness needed to co-operate and respond to God’s presence. If you use this daily you should find it helpful in noticing spiritual movements and choosing to respond wisely to them. The Awareness Examen is meant as a time of reflection, usually at the end of the day, and can be done in 30 seconds or 30 minutes. It involves five stages:

1. Thanksgiving ….Begin by looking over the day and asking to see where you need to be thankful. Do not choose what you think you should be thankful for, but rather look over the day to see what emerges, what you notice, even slightly. Allow gratitude to take hold of you and express this to the Holy Spirit who at this moment beholds you.

2. Ask For Light….This is a prayer for enlightenment from God. We dispose ourselves for the awareness that we hope will come more directly from God. We have a hard time believing that our own thoughts can actually be from the Spirit but Jesus tells us in Matt 10:20, “it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.” Likewise Paul tells us in Rom. 8 that “we do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.” Therefore ask the Spirit to show you what God wants you to pray.

3. Finding God In All Things ….Again look over the events of the day. This time ask the Spirit to show you where God’s presence has been in your life, either in you or in others, and in the events of your day:

• What events in your day have had an impact upon you?
• Where are the signs of the Spirit, i.e. of light?
• Where are the signs of discouragement of spirit, i.e. of darkness?
• What interior events were significant for you?
• Notice what stands out even slightly, such as joy, pain, turmoil, increase of love, anger, harmony, anxiety, freedom, isolation, a sense of the presence or absence of God
• Where do you sense you were being drawn by God’s Spirit?
• How did you respond to these events or experiences?

4. Respond To God In Dialogue ….Is there any one area you are being nudged to focus your attention on, to pray more seriously over, to take action on? This is where your energy needs focus instead of on the many other things you think are important. Discuss this with Jesus.

Express what needs to be expressed:
… praise … sorrow … gratitude … desire for change … … intercession …

5. Help And Guidance For Tomorrow ….Ask God for your needs for tomorrow. For example, you may need to pray to overcome something … to be more sensitive to God’s activity in your environment … to celebrate in some way … to let go … … to be open to conversion in some area … to make some decisions to act against some destructive forces in your life; to desire a particular grace from God; to desire to desire.

Mid-Winter's Blue

She paints across the evening sky,

with stretched wings freely mocking colder climbs

as the somber'd earth below echoes the graying hope of Spring.

Alone in the mist,

she flies in search of the promised feast,

availing hunger.

Nothing. 

No scratch of life to be found as distant stars brighten her hasty search; azure'd bleak dusking the cause.

And down, spiraling down she goes,

falling into the numbed life.

There she rests under the pillowed banks of snow,

buried with her unrequited dreams,

a promised peace to come,

melting beneath the mid-winter stars. 

Walsingham Explained

I recently came across this graphic explaining the image of Our Lady of Walsingham and was somewhat fascinated by it.  More detailed information can be obtained by clicking here.

The Yo-Yo Creed

I believe that I’m on a string, a yo-yo string. I'm good at letting go, sometimes and most always, to my detriment. It’s good to let go. It’s good to feel the heavy-laden release itself from my grasp. I can bind things so tightly, round up so neatly that I forget the big picture.  What's bound on earth can be loosed, though it's extremely tempting to stay bound up.  It is so easy for me, so natural in fact, that I can hardly notice what I am doing. “Where is God in all of this”, I ask. Indeed, my cry of dereliction goes unheeded. Letting loose; unbinding a strangle-hold that grips and winds itself round about my soul is the prescription needed.

Life’s little challenges often present themselves as gigantic tasks—obstacles barring me from believing that anything is possible. That truthy-feeling is flighty, revealing a false sense of creation.  The truth that I’ve come to know as holy and real is true and lasting freedom. Why? Because I keep getting pulled back towards God every time I wander.  Each time I bind, I feel the tug-of-war to let go.  Back and forth, so it seems, is the rhythm of faith. Doubt, as we know, is not the opposite of faith. Apostasy is faith’s contrarian.

Whether or not string-bound, I am still there holding on. The string cannot break; dirty with years of rubbed playing, but nonetheless strong as the day it was made.

Credo.

I believe.

I am a believer.

I am believed.

Amen.

The Revised Anthonite Vigil Office

Revised and expanded, the Anthonite Vigil Office has been published by St. Anthony's, OPC Press.  You can order your copy today by visiting Lulu.com.

Identity Chaos

"Creation Primordial Chaos," Judy Racz. Oil on canvas

It is a widely accepted phenomenon that out of chaos comes new creation.  At least that's how I find comfort amid the seemingly endless cycles of life.  For me, the struggle for identity in this world has often been fraught with "peaks and valleys," that permeate the ordinary.  The fact remains, however, that creation--even ex nihilo--stirs about constantly.  The birth pangs, the tumult, and the pain are all part of the process.  Who said new creation was pleasurable?  Creation, as we know it, is forever on-going, moving in a dance towards its final fulfillment.  Until that glorious day, we face our tombs each day.  Resurrection, albeit painful as the predessory death was, still affords us hope. 

The quietness of my blog lo these past few months has given me ample time in my own "tomb."  Dark were the days as I swirled about, blowing through chaos like it was only natural to endure.  Enduring one's death is not a badge of honor to be worn proudly.  And now, I can safely say, that the vastness of the heavy stone door is yielding, something new is about to emerge.  New but scarred; alive but keenly aware of death.  Perhaps that's the idea.

While there's absolutely no use in spilling one's soul via the internet, suffice it say that I'm alive and well.  I'm emerging and finally creating again.

Just last week I spent some time with a dear old friend of mine, a Roman priest who has watched me grow from afar.  The power of the sacrament of Reconciliation was the medicine required for my soul--grace worked as it has since the beginning.  Father Joe, never shy with his prayers, helped me break through that damn stone door.  Thanks be to God.  And now we look ahead...to paraphase T.S. Eliot, we return to the beginning and know the place for the first time.

New Dreams, New Years

Dreams come in all shapes and sizes.  Some shatter abruptly, like a soap bubble without any warning.  Others blossom unexpectedly and in odd places.  Either way, dreaming new dreams is deeply human, speaking to the core of our nature.  I once was a big dreamer, but now I settle for the little ones.

I don't make resolutions, I seldom could keep them.  But I will say this about 2011, pray please let this year be good, healthy, and above all bring joy.  I'll settle for joy any day of the year.